For Parents1 min read
Why Does My Child Not Listen to Me?
It's a busy morning. You ask your child to put away their toys and get ready for preschool.
“Come on, it's time to get ready.”
Your child keeps playing.
You ask again and again.
The third time, your voice gets louder. Your child finally responds, but now both of you are upset. Your child is more precious to you than anything, yet you end up shouting.
You may find yourself wondering, Why does my child never listen to me?
Why does your child struggle to listen?
Sometimes, it may look like your child is deliberately ignoring you. But there can be several reasons behind it.
Your child might be deeply involved in playing and find it difficult to switch attention. They may not understand a broad instruction like “Get ready” or “Clean up.” They may also want more independence and resist being told what to do.
Young children are still learning to manage their attention, follow instructions, and control their impulses. They don't always have the skills to respond the way adults expect them to.
Research from the University of Montreal, which followed children from age 2 to 9, shows that children who are shouted at often may find it harder to manage their feelings as they grow.
Here are 5 ways to help your child listen without shouting.
1Get Their Attention Before Speaking
Calling out instructions while your child is playing may not be enough to bring their attention to you.
Move closer. Say their name gently and get down to their level. Give them a moment to pause before telling them what you need them to do.
Try saying“I'm here. Look, it's time to put the toys away.”
2Say Exactly What You Need Them to Do
“Behave yourself,” “Hurry up,” and “Get ready” may seem clear to you, but a young child may not know what action to take first.
Break the task into small, specific steps.
Instead of saying, “Clean your room,” try:
Try saying“My little one, put the blocks in the toy box.”
3Give Them Time to Switch Activities
Imagine being completely absorbed in something you enjoy and being told to stop immediately. That transition can be difficult for a young child, too.
When possible, give your child a warning before moving from one activity to another. Keep it simple and follow through when the time is up.
Try saying“You have two more minutes to play. Then it's time to get dressed.”
4Offer Choices Without Changing the Expectation
Children want to feel that they have some control over their day. When every instruction feels like a command, they may push back.
Offer two choices that both lead towards the task you need them to complete.
Try asking“Would you like to wear your blue shirt or your yellow shirt?”
5Notice When They Listen
It's easy to notice when your child doesn't listen. But do you also notice when they do?
When your child follows an instruction, acknowledge the action rather than waiting for the next thing to correct.
Try saying“You put your toys away when I asked. Thank you for listening and helping.”